What Does Not Kill You, Makes You Stronger
We all know that it is hard to keep a birthday party dinner a secret, and it is equally as hard to not make someone jealous or mad when they are not invited. Nobody likes being the odd man out and finding out you were not invited the hard way, that’s just an awkward moment waiting to happen. Well if this introduction hasn’t already made it clear, it happened to me.
So this year for my 19th birthday my dad was generous enough to let me take a few buddies out to sushi for dinner. I invited 6 of my friends that mean the most to me. I invited my best friend Campbell and his two older brothers Cole and Carter because they are like family. I invited Jack White who I have been friends with since kindergarten. Rory McRory who I became very close with my senior of high school because of football, and Cooper Simpson who is an all around great dude and has been a friend since we met in middle school. Throughout our senior year of high school and our last summer together before college this group of guys and I would regularly accompany each other around town. We would often work out together, go to the beach and try to tan together, watch sporting events together, even now and again gamble with each other, and party together. Picture the movie old school, the bond between young and old, tall and short, fat or skinny, the group of those guys led by Will Ferral and Vince Vaughn is a good depiction of my friends and I. We were the fraternity trying to get active and instead of competing against an asshole (pardon my french) dean we were competing against the sacred time we had left together. Our group is very close and have a special brother like bond and it is sad to say but Testa was not a part of our bonded brotherhood. This was a great group of guys that all know how to let loose and have fun which was what I wanted for my birthday.
There was one person I was contemplating on inviting but I ended up not communicating with, and ultimately did not give an invitation to him; his name is Andrew Testa. Testa is a great kid with a great and very nice family but is just still very immature.
Testa moved high schools to my high school his sophomore year but I never hung out with him until our senior year and eventually did so because of football. After becoming friends with him and knowing more about him I began to realize that he had not had many friends at this school before our senior year. He got attached very quickly because he had not had many popular friends in the past, he seemed very shut off to socializing and going out. My friend group loves to go out, so we started taking Testa out with us which was fun the first time but then it backfired on us. After we went out with him that first time, there was never again a weekend night where we did not have Testa tracking us and our every move (thanks modern technology).
When Testa asked to hang out (which was every day, trying to make up for lost time I guess), he would only want to hang out in his room and play video games, kinda like my little brother likes to do. He enjoys staying inside rather than living and going outside. He would also always complain and rely on his parents to do stuff for him. After a week he considered me his best friend, he started following me around everywhere and asked to hang out with me after every practice and every night on the weekend, it was a little much even for him; but he was just a friend to me. He was just closed off for so long and never really did anything himself that he still needed to grow and be his own man.
Testa’s parents were always very nice and generous but were always hovering, very similar to how parents act when we were still in middle school. They always asked us if we wanted anything or if we wanted food. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice, but we are adults and sooner or later we have to fend for ourselves. So Last year for Testa’s eighteenth birthday party when his parents let Andrew take Campbell, Rory, and I to Cabo San Lucas Mexico for spring break, I was hesitant to say yes because although it was Cabo and I had never been before it was also with Testa and his Parents; but we ended up all saying yes to their offer. All expenses paid for, staying at a hotel that made life so enjoyable and relaxing, not to mention bottomless margaritas all day all for free too.
After reading about what he did for us on his birthday you’re probably thinking “wow, Ethan you are an asshole for not inviting him to your birthday dinner”. But the thing is that he thinks we are closer friends than we actually are, which is tough because I lead him on in a way by not telling him. But how do you tell someone that? In the moment it was just easier for me to not go out of my way and tell him. If I viewed him as more of a brother in arms then I would have gone out of my way to text him, but even after the immaculate trip to Cabo I just never felt a bond with him as strong as my other friends. I have learned through my mistakes that not saying anything at all is much more problematic than just being straightforward and transparent.
My birthday falls on the dates of winter break when everyone is back in town from college and together again, so I knew it was going to be hard to keep the dinner on the downlow so nobody’s feelings got hurt. And of course, Testa ended up finding out somehow. Testa confronted me about it when we all were watching college football bowl games at our friends house and Testa pulled me aside and I had to tell him why I did not invite him to my birthday dinner. At first when he asked me why he wasn’t invited it took me a minute to decide what I wanted to say. At that moment I felt very awkward because I knew he invited me to his birthday and I didn’t invite him to mine. I do not know who told him or how he found out, but it ended on a good note because we talked it out and made sure we did not ruin our friendship completely. (However, we have not talked since then so maybe he decided otherwise.)
There is not a day that goes by when you do not communicate with someone, teachers, friends, family, it is an essential part of basic humanity. Communication builds the foundation of human interaction and civilization, and has many effects. With the amount that we communicate there is bound to be experiences where we fail or have a failure communicating. That was mine and I hope you learned that saying nothing and hoping is not the correct way.
Barnes` Blog (Writing 1) 